I am queen of fuck-ups

We all fuck up. I, on the other hand, fuck up almost everything in my life as often as Kris Aquino appears on local TV. I don’t think that’s a good comparison but what the hell.  I can’t help but feel sorry for myself sometimes. It’s pathetic that I can’t take full control of my life. I’ve been working for almost a year already but I haven’t been able to save even just a thousand bucks from my earnings.

My directionless life. For twenty years I’ve been stuck like shit on a bicycle wheel; the bike ridden on by some hopelessly crazy person whose life is forever adrift in its worthlessness.

Yes, I am ranting. I am ranting because there is nothing better to do. 12:13 PM the screen says. Outside the sun is glaring down at us - cursing us for what we have done to the world; laughing at how much we would be paying for in the coming years.

Humans are so fucking stupid.  I went to an island called Anawangin last weekend with some people from work. It was the adventure I was looking for. I was scared shitless of the boat ride but I eventually felt at ease after realizing how great it would be to die in the ocean. The sea was a deep blue, and it was almost not liquid. It was as if the earth had been covered by a precious satin-like fabric. I haven’t seen that vast a sea. When we got to the island, I was almost in tears. It was my first time to actually see a pine forest. I had the chance to explore during our second day on the island. I got to go up a mountain and take pictures. I went alone but it wasn’t bad at all. I actually would have enjoyed it less if I were with other people. I got to walk in the forest as well, along what seemed to be a dried up river. I have to go back. Or better yet, I have to see more places like Anawangin. What sucks though is that some stupid people visiting the island did not have the decency to not throw stuff into the sea.

I asked Jaja a question a few days ago: How do you get over a guy?

She said she was the wrong person to ask. I’ve been told the same by some other friends.

I think I might know just how. I’m just not trying hard enough. Yes, I need to get over somebody. He is not an ex-boyfriend or anything like that. Just someone I really like. I’m trying to not like anyone right now, as a part of my turning into a plant, so I want to stop liking him. Add up the fact that it’s a hopeless case of unrequited, uh, like? LOL. I just find it difficult, considering the fact that he is actually one of the most wonderful people I have met in my lifetime.

About being a plant, well, plants don’t have sex. Plants don’t fall in love. Plants are… plants. Just plants. So I want to be a plant-person. Stupid eh? Sort of. It makes sense to me though.

I am a cactus. 

Reading stuff on other people’s blogs, especially people who actually write intelligently, make me feel inferior. Believe it or not, I do think I have inferiority complex.

This is going nowhere. 

Magbabasa na lang muna ako ng libro. O kaya matutulog. O kaya mag-aadventure ulit sa kung saan.